A classroom. There is an exam in progress. Teens are busy passing around chits with bits of information to cheat. They are also asking children seated around them for help. Some teachers see this behavior and turn a blind eye. There is one lone boy who does his work diligently writing away what he knows. He knows that the paper is lengthy, and he will have to push it to complete it. He has no time to look around at the circus that goes on. Oh yes, some of his classmates regularly rush to the toilet where some more chits are hidden. This was no big qualification or Board exam just a routine class exam, yet the urge to take the easy way out seems almost all pervasive.
Why study when you can cheat?
The child does not ask me anymore because since he was a tiny tot, I have always taught him the importance of honesty to himself. Cheating and getting instant gratification may work in the short term, indeed work quite well but is very harmful in the long term. Tomorrow, he may have no qualm in swindling or carrying out spams of very large proportions. Don’t you see the fallout of this easy cheating and dishonesty into the behavior of a lot of adults around us? I do.
Now, who is to blame? The parents who push their kids to climb high doing whatever it takes, an unscrupulous system that rewards dishonesty or the media and the society that worships the rich no matter how they got the wealth? Who?
Since I am talking about honesty, there is a very important facet of Honesty and that is practicing it with Compassion. How do we teach our children to practice honesty with compassion? How can they share their honest views, speak truthfully and yet be gentle and empathetic? It is difficult even for adults. I have noticed that when one is straightforward, it is often a fine line between being firm and being aggressive. I have crossed that line multiple times myself.
So, why is it important to practice honesty with Compassion? For one, tact is important in every aspect of life. It makes us human and helps us convey our pointe smartly enabling us to take people along. Being truthful should not equate to being blunt or being unmindful of others’ feelings. It is also important that we be kind and non-judgmental; situations and people have layers which are always not apparent. Hence, it is important to temper that honesty with some kindness. That is truly a tough balance to strike. I have come across very few people in my life who can practice honesty with Compassion.
Some go overboard with the honesty bit and feel it is an easy license to trample all in their path never pausing once or introspecting the consequences of their actions. And then there are others who can’t help but sugarcoat their opinion so much that it completely loses its meaning. Indeed, they often end up being completely dishonest. It neither helps them nor the other person.
Now, if you expected me to provide some gems of knowledge as to how to achieve this, I have none. I just wish to direct your thoughts towards being honest even when being mindful of others’ feelings.
We all tend to be carried away in these times of social media. We have no patience, no good old-fashioned etiquette or the sensibility to say things honestly without making another bristle. Every time you pull up someone, you send out that email, message or tell something to a person, pause for a second and see if you can articulate it better. It cuts out a lot of negativity that may take ages to repair.
Food for thought? I hope so.
I am writing for the #1000Speak on Compassion. The linky opens this 19th September and is open till 21st September. This month’s theme is Compassion but some of us are writing on Honesty in Compassion. Do join in if you can.
Do also join the 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion group on Facebook.
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