Marriage — a union of two forgivers

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Rachna

July 10, 2015

In the times, when the institution of marriage is constantly being called outdated and redundant, those of us who still swear by the institution feel outnumbered.

I am not the kind who projects a picture of perfect matrimony or even believes in it. Fifteen years of marriage teach you practicality all right. I have never shied away from maintaining that a good marriage requires work. When you are emotionally fulfilled you go out of your way to do things for each other. Surprisingly even when you are upset and can’t stand each other’s faces, you still go out of your way to do things because deep down you care despite the anger and the hurt. Sometimes you wouldn’t even admit the caring to yourself, as mad as you are. As long as there is mutual respect and love, things eventually do fall in place, even when they plumb to the deepest depths.

Yes, you claw your way back from hating the man/woman, wondering why you got married in the first place and wondering if you made the right choice to loving them all over again and wanting to share their bed, heart and life. Oh yes, it happens to all of us. We have ugly spats and hate each other’s guts. The rollercoaster does get crazy sometimes. But the troughs do not mean that the peaks will never happen again. That is just how a normal marriage is. The good, the bad, the ugly all co-exist peacefully. And they exist peacefully because both the partners make the effort. Somewhere in their hearts, they want to be a part of each other’s lives and they are willing to make it work together.

This is not to say that those who are not married are not happy. It is just to say that marriage is not that bad a beast as it is projected to be. It is a blessing to find a partner who cares for you, respects you and goes out of his/her way to do things for you.

A marriage is a sum total of beautiful and trying moments woven together with tears and smiles.

I came across the quote above when I was penning this article and wow, this connected so beautifully. In essence, I believe that a happy, fulfilling and long marriage is between two good forgivers.

With this post, I come to the close of the 3-Day Quote challenge. Hope you liked it. Anyone, who wishes to take up this challenge, consider yourself tagged. Just leave a link to your post in the comments so i can reach there.

45 responses to “Marriage — a union of two forgivers”

nabanita

July 10, 2015

I agree Rachna….In fact, why only marriage any true relationship needs work .. I don’t know why marriage seems like a bad word to the world these days… And yes this quote fits perfectly… There are bounds to be ups and downs in a marriage but as long as the love, respect and the will to be together remains it is one of the most satisfying relationships in the world

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1. Rachna
  
  July 11, 2015
  
  Totally, Naba. Every relationship requires work. Marriage more so because there are no bonds of blood, shared childhood etc. to naturally sustain it. Indeed, it can be a truly fulfilling relationships if both partners are realistic, rational, decent and caring.
  
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SHILPA GUPTE

July 10, 2015

I so believe in what you say, Rachna! We just need to forgive and forget (er, at times, the other partner does maintain a good account of ‘it all’!). But, yes, at the end of the day, it is better to forgive and move on. The issue that bothers us today,might not be an issue tomorrow!

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1. Rachna
  
  July 11, 2015
  
  Tell me about the account bit. 🙂 But slowly, you begin to let go. Most big fights actually originate from really silly tiffs. Thanks for reading.
  
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Amit Agarwal

July 10, 2015

Great header, and the write Rachna! Makes so much sense… liked it:)

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1. Rachna
  
  July 11, 2015
  
  Thank you so much, Amitji. Glad you liked it.
  
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Shailaja

July 10, 2015

Marriage is a beautiful institution. No relationship comes without expectations and we must be aware of that, once the honeymoon period is gone by. We live and learn, grow together, fight and emerge victorious, as a couple, not as individuals.

It is far more challenging than people like to admit and very few people actually speak of the discomfort that is the marital status. It’s a bit of everything, like you’ve said and it is important to be yourself as well as adapt to the demands of the relationship. That is a beautiful quote, by the way 🙂

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1. Rachna
  
  July 11, 2015
  
  True that, Shailaja. The sad part is that whether it is our books, movies or media, it is mostly a very rosy image of romance and marriage that we often get to see. Of course, washing dirty linen in public is not good but speaking about the discomfort that a marital status holds must not be taboo or unusual. After all, why should this relationship not have its downs. it is such a fine balance, this relationship and it can be so enriching too if we all have realistic expectations and understanding. Thanks for your insightful comment as always. Glad to know that you connected with the quote and the thought process.
  
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Deeshani Batra

July 10, 2015

A wonderful post indeed. I’m not married yet, and was afraid of facing it. But, this makes me realize it’s not as bad as it appears to be rather a wonderful experience for life time. Also, I loved the quote. 🙂

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1. Rachna
  
  July 11, 2015
  
  I am so glad, Deeshani. Don’t be afraid. Just get into it with realistic expectations, communicate well with your partner and get a partner who respects and cherishes you. It is a wonderful experience if both are level headed and committed to it. Thanks for reading.
  
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Somali K Chakrabarti

July 10, 2015

Union of two forgivers is just apt. Couldn’t agree more with this. 🙂

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1. Rachna
  
  July 11, 2015
  
  Thanks, Somali. Glad you liked it.
  
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swati bassi

July 10, 2015

The quote is just perfect.
In these two years of married life we have seen lots of good, lots of bad and some ugly moments where we cannot stand each other but still the bad phase changes to good as we put in some effort and care to it.
Though I am still learning and exploring these various emotions marriage brings in but I do completely believe in this institution.

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1. Rachna
  
  July 11, 2015
  
  Thanks, Swati, for sharing your experience. It happens to all of us. When it happens the first time we are a bit astounded. But then we understand conflict management and important of communication. More importantly we continue to learn from each conflict.
  
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Sreesha

July 10, 2015

Union of two forgivers! Hmm, it took me a while to figure that out and “grow up”, I must say. But marriage teaches you that sooner or later. . 🙂

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1. Rachna
  
  July 11, 2015
  
  Oh yes, Sreesha. I can quite relate to that. Fights and disagreements hit hard but the making up and lessons from them make us take the relationship forward. Of course, mutual trust, respect and communication are very important.
  
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usha menon

July 10, 2015

Rachna, I thoroughly agree with you that in a married life a couple has to make adjustments .We are in our 56th year of married life and we have the same feelings for each other. Of course we too argue but it is only temporary.
Rachna, you are veteran in the sphere of blogging.I have learnt so much from you.I have taken the liberty to nominate you for the Versatile Award.Kindly accept it from a novice. Ifeel none can match your versatility.

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1. Rachna
  
  July 12, 2015
  
  Ushaji, your experience is the most important and so is your endorsement. Thank you for your warm, encouraging words always. And for the award which I see as your blessing.
  
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Shaivi

July 10, 2015

Wow! That was so beautifully worded. No matter how much couples fight or crib, at the end of the day marriage is one strong institutions which gives you a friend and soulmate for life; someone who stands by you through thick and thin. And yes, just like other relationships, marriage too needs frequent servicing in the form of quality time and space to ensure smooth functioning!

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1. Rachna
  
  July 12, 2015
  
  Well said, Shaivi. Glad you connected with the post. Thanks for dropping by.
  
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Vishal Bheeroo

July 10, 2015

Rachna, it’s a balanced view about marriage and singletons. I always argue that singles can be happy as well in their space. Every marriage or relationship for that matter has its own pros and cons. An interesting view.

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1. Rachna
  
  July 12, 2015
  
  Yes, true, Vishal. Thanks for dropping by.
  
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C. Suresh

July 10, 2015

Marriage is not just a being, it is a becoming. That quote about love – “Two minds with but one single thought, two hearts that beat as one” – does not happen in a lightning strike. It is a culmination of a lifetime of effort at understanding each other.

NOW you know why I remained single. I hate effort 🙂

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1. Rachna
  
  July 12, 2015
  
  Come on, man. 🙂 That effort is worth it if you can get someone to be your partner for life. Of course, the choice to be single is fine too. Personal preference I guess.
  
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Found In Folsom

July 11, 2015

This is so Rachna post 🙂 Actually marriage is not that bad if you marry a guy who you can live with. (you know like I said, all are not lucky to find guys who they cannot live without…hehe). At the end of the day, you have someone to lean back on or someone who you can lend your shoulder. Partners act like siblings after a period of time. Don’t they? Siblings fight like cats and dogs and giggle at the same time. Couples do the same and once they patch up, we wonder did they fight at all?

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1. Rachna
  
  July 12, 2015
  
  Hehe Yes, it is a very me post. Siblings, nah. At least that hasn’t happened with me. 🙂
  
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Ravish Mani

July 11, 2015

Rachna, I completely agree with your quote as well as the point of feeling of care towards each other despite having anger on face.

Well, what you’re referring is all about love; I don’t think it’s anything to do with institution of marriage. Marriage is a socio-economic arrangement with the desire to live in the form of surname after death.

Anyway, if you are in marriage and want it to be successful, you have to neglect small things and adopt the attitude of forgiveness. One should always forgive, whether married or not, because forgiveness liberates the soul.

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1. Rachna
  
  July 11, 2015
  
  Ravish, there are different kinds of love. The one we feel for our parents and siblings has a blood bond and a shared upbringing. The one we feel for our friends is out of sheer affection and shared wavelengths. But the romantic love in a committed relationship has the most complex challenges. Often these are two very different people sharing an intimate relationship which sees many challenges and life changes as life progresses. For this relationship to be successful one has to work hard and also be very patient and forgiving.
  
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Destiny’s child

July 11, 2015

I think you have summed it up well. There are a lot of negative opinions (quite baseless, honestly) about marriages today. It is one of the most beautiful and intimate bonds; and like every other relationship, ups and downs are bound to happen in a marriage too. Shaadi ka laddoo jo khaye woh pachtaye joh nahi khaye woh bhi pachtaye. :p I guess those who have had it at least have the satisfaction of knowing what it tasted like!

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1. Rachna
  
  July 11, 2015
  
  So nice to see you here after so long. Exactly at least they talk after tasting the laddoo. Many others wash their hands ofc even without trying.
  
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Jaibala Rao

July 11, 2015

That quote is simply beautiful. I agree any relationship requires a lot of work, especially marriage. It is easy to blame and point fingers, but eventually it is all about how hard you work on your relationship. Also, both need to put in the effort, work with each others strengths and fill in each others weaknesses. And all this is a lot of work, understanding and forgiveness.

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1. Rachna
  
  July 11, 2015
  
  Completely agree, Jaibala. Marriage sometimes brings together two very different individuals and it requires a lot of patience, determination, caring and forgiveness to continue liking each other.
  
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Saru (@BaawriBasanti)

July 11, 2015

You said it all – The good, the bad, the ugly all co-exist peacefully. Marriage requires work and patience, like all other relations.

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1. Rachna
  
  July 11, 2015
  
  Thanks, Saru. I think marriage is more complicated than other relations. With parents and siblings, there is a blood bond and shared upbringing. But spouses share the most intimate relationship with sometimes very less common ground.
  
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Shilpa Garg

July 12, 2015

This quote is so true. Like they say, every marriage requires an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person! 🙂

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1. Rachna
  
  July 13, 2015
  
  Perfectly put, Shilpa. 🙂
  
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Ashwini CN

July 12, 2015

I’m loving these posts on Quotes challenge 🙂

Yes, any relationship requires work. Friends, mentors, colleagues and even family. So it’s natural that when you’re spending the rest of your life with someone it requires work, some compromises and adjustments!

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1. Rachna
  
  July 13, 2015
  
  Thanks, Ashwini. Ah, marriage requires a lot of forgiving and letting go, almost on a daily basis, much more than any other relationship, I feel. Why don’t you share your favorite quotes too.
  
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Purba

July 13, 2015

Marriage is the most complete relationship and you can find your best friend, guide, lover in your spouse. Of course, there’s no ideal mate. A lot depends on how much you’re willing to work on it.

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1. Rachna
  
  July 14, 2015
  
  Exactly, no ideal mate, no ideal circumstances. We just work our way through. Thanks for reading.
  
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Beat About the Book

July 14, 2015

I agree wholeheartedly Rachna. Just like any other relationship marriage needs to be worked upon. Yet it is the most taken for granted relationship (Other than perhaps, parenthood!). As a pretty practical person I don’t much believe in soul-mates – but I do think marriage grows upon you and you learn over the years to love, care and look out for each other.

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1. Rachna
  
  July 14, 2015
  
  Yes, marriage does grow upon you as you fall into a routine with a person and build your own home with a new person. I wonder about soul-mates too. I mean, the kind they show in movies and books. I agree totally about your assessment of marriage. Thanks for reading.
  
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Sid

July 14, 2015

I reckon that much like everything else, marriage too is ‘made to work’. Probably because we want it to. It’s always a roller coaster ride. Much like parenting. And at the end of the day, if we want to make it work, we do. Simple as that I suppose.

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1. Rachna
  
  July 15, 2015
  
  I somehow categorize marriage a bit differently. It is an intimate relationship between two very different people who need to constantly adjust to each other. A lot of love, trust, honesty, communication and forgiveness makes it work and makes it enriching. Thanks for dropping by.
  
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The man, the boy and the donkey – Rachna Says

November 5, 2015

[…] correlate this to your routine life. Whether it is getting married at a particular age, having a career or not, having children or not, celebrating festivals, losing […]

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I’m Rachna

Welcome to Rachna says, my first abode on the internet where I share snippets of my mundane life, as I navigate empty nest with my husband. You can also get my recipes at my food blog, Rachna cooks.

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