As a parent, the one thing that really got my goat was the tantrum that my child threw. Both my boys went through their whining and tantrum phases. At one point, it was so difficult that I had approached a Counselor. As difficult as it seemed, she had advised me to act calm and totally ignore the tantrum and the child when he was indulging in it. Despite my nerves being fried, I did as she told on the street as well as in the supermarket. After a few harrowing attempts, my son realized the futility of it and actually got better!
But, that is not the reason why I am writing this post. I am writing it in a completely different context. What does one do if an adult is in the habit of throwing tantrums? Those who watch Indian serials are used to seeing scheming, weepy, extra-emotional characters who nastily throw tantrums. Do such people exist in real life? They certainly do, as I have observed in some people up close and personal.
We may use the approach of ignoring and blocking out such people from our lives once we figure out their true nature. At least, we can try not to get sucked into their sorry ‘poor victim me’ tales all the time. Here ignoring or not reacting may actually protect our sanity and perhaps convey to them that their regular ‘drama’ of sulking and going incommunicado does not work. But, what does one do if it is a person that one interacts with regularly?
My approach normally is to avoid conflict. I hate being in a state of protracted argument or dissent. Often, I make the effort to set things right, even reaching out to the unreasonable person in order to resolve issues. At other times, I will give them time to think about their own behavior so that once things cool down, they can come back and discuss issues like adults across the table. But this approach doesn’t always work. Given that, as a dear person told me, most people are not reasonable. Hence, some people will just convince themselves that they are the ones who are always the victim and you are the aggressor. They never introspect. They do not want to set things right or wish a resolution. Their philosophy in life is – My way or the Highway.
Earlier I would ignore this behavior because I always try to remember the good that they have done for me. But, of late, I am noticing a change in my approach. I don’t want to be taken for granted anymore. I am tired of trying to be the one who always sets things right. I am actually tiring of being so patient and bending over backwards.
Yesterday, as I read #1000Speak posts, I was glad to read some amazing posts on self-compassion. Selfish is not such a bad word. Indeed, we have been accommodating others for too long at the cost of our own happiness and sanity. I say enough to that. I know I will not be nasty or mean while expressing my dissent. It is just not in my fabric. However, what is my true nature is straight talk. Perhaps, it is time that I stood up for myself and actually confronted the dramas queens and kings and tell them to their face what I think of their behavior. I guess the time to ignore the tantrums has passed.
How do you handle adults who regularly throw tantrums and are often unreasonable?
Pic courtesy: Stuart Miles of Freedigitalphotos.net
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