This is a true and rather unfortunate incident that unfolded in my son’s class. My son had a tiff with a girl who sits with him. Both of them scratched each other’s notebook. He maintained that she did it first and he retaliated. Her page was torn off. The teacher called both of them and for some reason inferred that it was only the boy’s fault. She made him sit on the floor for the entire day to teach him a lesson; yes, even for the lunch break and for the test that he had that day. I was very upset when I heard this. In my opinion, the punishment was clearly incongruous with the action. And, hurting and humiliating someone is hardly a method of teaching anything except resentment.
When I took it up with the teacher, she felt that this was hardly a punishment. After all, she hadn’t laid a finger on him. And she felt that it is perfectly normal to sit on the floor. Though, I didn’t mention it to her, I wondered if she would be this understanding if she was made to sit on the floor in front of a social gathering when everyone else was seated where they were meant to. She started telling me about negative reinforcement for which I had a few tips of my own to offer her but I resisted. Clearly, her understanding of negative reinforcement was wrong, but I did not feel like launching into a psychology lesson with her. As much as I believe that knowing the difference between negative reinforcement and punishment is important for a teacher, I also believe that each individual has an inherent sensitivity or humaneness that instinctively guides them when they are doling out punishments. As a teacher, the responsibility is even more. But, I digress!
On further conversation with me, she said she was upset when the incident unfolded and had he apologized on his own, she may have let him go. In my son’s eyes, he felt that the punishment was unfair because his action was in retaliation to someone else’s action who got away scot free. And, so why would he apologize if the girl didn’t? For this, I am to blame because I have drilled it in him that he must not apologize unless the apology comes from within him. I am completely against, “Sorry bolo, beta!” philosophy. That teaches the child to wheedle out of a sticky situation without ever learning from the mistake or feeling contrite.
Well, the issue was sorted out amicably. The teacher was gracious enough to listen and acknowledge the hurt of the parents. She promised not to use this method of punishment again. I did have a chat with my son about being less explosive to inconsequential situations. What I did appreciate was his honesty in telling me the truth and not trying to make himself seem holier than thou or lying. Yes, I know that he is on the verge of teenage and mood swings are slowly creeping into the picture. And, no I am not the one who says that my laadla can do no wrong.
As a parent, I am conscious of the fact that I must not defend my child’s mistakes and rob him of an opportunity to become a better person. But, I will speak up for him whenever he has been wronged!
What are your views on this method of punishing children?
Rachna says 
Leave a reply to Surabhi Cancel reply