Violence and rage are on the rise. Is it because of the rising stress in our lives due to a bad boss, lousy work schedule, or the really bad traffic?
Two high-profile incidents in the news recently were of a school teacher stabbed to death by a 9th standard student in Chennai because she was complaining to his father about his poor marks. It is easy to pass judgments by faulting the parenting style of the boy’s parents or blaming the harshness of the teacher. But, one thing is certain is that frustration levels are really high. If they do not find a vent, they can have disastrous outcomes. Teenage is the time when the children feel most misjudged and criticized. They hate the world, and everyone who asks them to smarten their act. Why would a child go to the drastic levels of killing his teacher? He must have been aware how his life would be forever damaged. I don’t know. What went so wrong that could not be retrieved?
The other incident that happened yesterday: A bunch of drunk people who shot at a teenager with an airgun when this teenager’s father asked them to drive safely because they were driving on the wrong side of the road. So, when you get upset when someone cuts you, breaks the signal, brushes past your car or intimidates you, and you get angry and show that anger verbally or through gestures, you really do not know what that person in the other car might do. At the end of the day, in these unfortunate incidents, it does not matter who was right or wrong, what matters is the consequences of those actions.
Few months back, our entire family with our dog was going out in our car. At a narrow road, there was a traffic jam. We were waiting for the way to clear when a man came from my side to my husband’s side. His window was rolled down. Without any provocation, he lunged at my husband who out of reflex caught hold of his hand. He was saying something, which we did not understand. For a couple of minutes, they were grappling each other. We were shocked; I yelled and suddenly seeing Coco, he let go, and we moved ahead. It really unnerved us, and I don’t know what that man’s problem was — was he mentally unstable, drunk or ??
Then a few days back, my son who commutes to school by his school bus was roughed up by another boy in 8th Standard (older to him by 4 years). Why? Because, he did not want him to sit on the seat where he sat. So, he doesn’t ask but actually tried to strangle my son. Oh yes, other children confirmed it. We had to go confront the boy in the school bus, warning him that any future complaints, and we will go to the Principal.
So, how are we supposed to handle these incidents? If you drive, in India, you will be faced with daily incidents when your BP goes dangerously high. For the sake of your safety, assume that all other people are carrying guns, divert your mind and do not get into needless brawls. If you think about it, it is a minute or two that is lost if you allow that honking nut to pass or ignore that brute of a bus driver who cuts you off or stop and give way to the truck who is on the wrong side of the road. It is the prudent approach to take considering the real risks that you might be putting yourselves and your families in.
About children, I feel that they will be frustrated and angry. There are so many triggers and pressures. My son gets mad and yells. I have taught him the pillow trick if he is really upset about something. As parents, keep your ears open when they share something that enrages them. Parents talking to their kids helps them get perspective. Heck, I still do even when I am 37 years old. If I talk to my dad, and he explains something in a calm manner, it makes me see things differently. We exercise a lot of power over our child’s thoughts and actions. Let us find the time to share their angst, to teach them things good or bad and to set an example by our own demeanor. Remember, in the larger scheme of life, children are more important than any amount of money we can earn . If something goes wrong, can we forgive ourselves? Please spend time with your kids and listen to them. They are very intelligent and solicit their opinions and feelings. They will know who to come to when they are pushed in the corner.
So, when we celebrate love, don’t think that our job is done by buying a card or giving an expensive gift. More often than not, it is our time and our attention that are the most precious gifts to be given!
Links to stories:
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/bangalore/Refused-way-furious-driver-fires-at-teen/articleshow/11883056.cms
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/chennai/Classrom-murder-School-reopens-after-tragic-incident/articleshow/11881068.cms
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